STUDENTS: You Are Not Alone
It is not unusual for gay and lesbian students to feel like they are the only queer kid in town. While larger communities have visible and active gay and lesbian communities, gay and lesbian students in rural places lack gay role models and are disconnected from the larger gay community. But rural gay kids are not alone. Ten percent is a common estimate for the number of gay people in society as a whole. This means that there are probably ten gay kids in a high school of one hundred students. Rural gay students can take comfort in knowing that there are other kids like them, although maybe not visible, in their own communities. In this section you can read advice shared by gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people who grew up in rural communities.
What Other Students Say
Do your best and know that you’re not the only one...don't let others drag you down. (Female, Vermont)
At first I thought homosexuality was an anomaly of weird people in big cities with strange hair (Male, Kansas)
Get out. Find a peer group in the next town over until you’re more comfortable with yourself, find teachers/adults you can trust and talk to. (Female, Iowa)
I knew there was something different about me when I was chasing girls in kindergarten, right along with the boys. But I didn't come out to myself till I was in 8th grade. (Female, Nebraska)
It has been really hard to connect with others. (Female, Vermont)
It was very hard to live in a "hick" town, surrounded by small-town, small-minded individuals and know that something as big as what I was feeling inside was just
waiting to burst out. (Female, Nebraska)
There’s nothing inherently wrong with you. It often takes time to figure out who you are and what you want. The important thing is to have a place or a person you can talk about it with, so it doesn’t spin incessantly in your head. (Male, Kansas)
Don’t try to tell yourself you are someone you’re not because that’s
what other people want you to be. It’ll get better, you’ll make friends
that will accept and love you for who you are. (Female, North Carolina)
I would say hang in there, because it does get better. I would say come out, and stand up for yourself, because it can’t get worse than it is. I would also say to be aware that there ARE gay and lesbian people where you live. We exist in rural areas, in the South, in communities of color, in the ‘heartland,’ and in churches. You may have to work harder to find your people, but they are out there so don’t give up. (Female, Pennsylvania)
Being openly gay and gender non-conforming (as I am now) was not an option for me when I lived there. I knew who I was, I was just scared to death to tell anyone because of how other people who came out were treated. So I did my best to fit in- I got good grades, kept to myself but had lots of "friends"(who I unsurprisingly don’t really talk to anymore), played sports, worked, and kept out of trouble, and became severely depressed because of it. (Female, Iowa)
If it's not safe to "be yourself," don't compromise your values or how you really feel inside. It will only do more damage to you and possibly others. Read as much as you can. Learn about the gay and lesbian movement now and in the past. Talk to someone who is a mentor to you already. If you don't feel comfortable outing yourself to them, ask them how they feel about the issue of gender-nonconformity and queerness. (Female, Nebraska)
For more first-person narratives by rural gay youth visit:
- Advocates for Youth at http://www.youthresource.com/our_lives/rural/
- PFLAG Detroit at http://www.pflagdetroit.org/MSS_News8.htm
- Growing up Gay in Appalachia at http://users.adelphia.net/~palruth/GayinAppalachia.htm